Narcissists & good people: How UK Politics mirrors our own relationships

Where’s the apology, where’s the accountability? What do people have to do before they admit their mistakes and show that they are sorry? 🤔

I almost wrote a blog about this recently, in that case I stopped short because I knew I would sound like a bitter old ex. But here’s the thing. Really, what DO some people have to do? How low do they have to stoop before someone has the strength of character to hold them accountable? It seems not that long for Liz, for a woman, but much, much longer for Boris, a man! Hear me out………

For Liz Truss, her monumental mistakes which collapsed the UK economy forced it. For Boris, his chaotic and consistent law breaking, morally disgraceful behaviour and divisive actions or lack of action EVENTUALLY caught up with him. 49 days versus 3 years and 3 months. Many Tory MP’s who joined their counterparts to trigger Boris’ eventual resignation were delighted to give him another chance at PM over the weekend. I believe there were 17 of them at the last count I was aware of. What the actual??????

When will the ‘Toxic Patriarchy’ cease to be perpetuated by not just those blatant members but also those who are good, honest people but who are also sadly those who would rather look away or turn the other cheek because the harm this person inflicted on another didn’t directly affect them? When will they give up their own sycophantic benefits of being friends with these perpetrators? When will those who claim to support the greater good by not being toxic, prejudice, sexist, racists etc themselves, take a closer look at their behavior and realise that by them knowing the harm that has been done by someone but failing to take a tough decision because of it, they are part of the problem. What do the perpetrators have to do before someone makes a stand and says they no longer wish to be friends, do business or work with that person? Do they have to commit a deadly crime? Become a pedophile? Seriously, at what point do their actions have enough of an impact on others to have an impact on the hearts and minds of their friends, family and colleagues for them to take a step back and decide that it’s wrong, and therefore something needs to be said or addressed?

I’m not saying people don’t deserve forgiveness or a second chance. I am no stranger to forgiveness, trust me I have forgiven and many, many times forgotten so many wrongs that have been made against me and I am lucky to have also received both of those blessings for my own wrongdoings many times. I am by no means perfect nor am I claiming to be. I have no hard feelings towards my first abusive partner, we both had our demons back then and we needed help that we didn’t get. I feel no hatred towards my other two more recent abusive exes. I simply want to help to ensure that what needs to happen in the name of the law, of what is right and fair does actually happen. You could call that justice, but it’s not about revenge, comuppense or even ensuring that Karma is served. I leave that up to the powers that be and him upstairs to deal with, it’s not my will or my purpose to dish that out.

I’ve even made peace with the fact that I cannot protect others from them, that those who will be hurt by them in the future are on their own journey and that I cannot stop or influence that beyond holding them to account for their recent or current actions. It’s that which has been the hardest thing to move on from, because my desire to help others, protect them and help them to heal is what has kept me going in the hardest of times. Helping others means I’m fulfilling my life’s purpose. I now know though, that I have to keep that for my children, my friends, my own family and my clients.

So no I don’t think Liz or Boris deserve another chance. Not without acknowledging their mistakes, genuinely apologizing for them and most importantly, demonstrating a willingness and an actual attempt at doing things differently. IF they are capable of doing that, then maybe at some point they could return to politics without the doubt and hurt of a nation behind them. I do however, think Rishi deserves a chance.

Another thing that has perturbed me over the last few days is the at best suspicion, at worst pure hatred for the rich that has appeared since last week. It is not shocking to me but it does sadden me. Healing people’s money wounds and helping them with their money mindset, I untangle negative beliefs about money and rich people on a daily basis. Rishi’s wife’s tax affairs were very worrying I agree and I’m sure he has no real comprehension of what it’s like to truly live hand to mouth, but neither did Boris or Liz, or any other prime minister that I can think of. If you think Boris did, then you are frankly living in cloud cuckoo land. That’s exactly what he wanted you to think. And did you know that Boris wasn’t even born in the UK?!?!?

How many of us really do know what it’s like to live hand to mouth? I have at times struggled to pay my credit card bill but I’ve never had to decide between heating and eating, like thousands this year will and many who never imagined they’d be in this situation just a few short years ago. I agree our new Prime Minister needs to see how bad things really are, he’d benefit from doing an episode of Rich House Poor House for sure, but let’s be fair to him and not bestow hatred on him just because he’s blessed enough to have millions in the bank.

Although I still think the Tories need to go, I can’t help but feel calmed with Rishi in charge, mainly because he seems like a nice bloke you can trust. I have however fallen for ‘nice blokes you can trust’ many times before, so maybe I’m as naive as I’ve always been! On the flip side, what is it with people falling for Boris’ bumbling charm? A ‘loveable rogue’?? FFS. I’ve been watching with interest, especially when we were at risk of him making a comeback. It demonstrates so obviously why so many are sucked in and attracted to narcissists, why people forgive and forget far too easily. How we allow them to continue to harm despite the red flags they wave in our faces, never apologising and making us all think the fault lies with someone else. Extolling their relatively small achievements in an effort to mask over the gaping holes, that let’s be honest, anyone in their shoes should have been able to achieve. Anyone who’s been in an abusive relationship, or even one where there was an imbalance of fairness and power, take a step back and look at the similarities.

I’ve been embarrassed for our nation recently. I’ve also been shocked at the covert and sometimes overt racism against Rishi. Sadly it’s a pattern I have seen with those who deny the effects or severity that an abusive individual can have on those they once claimed to love and care for. I believe we as a nation are suffering from collective PTSD after what we have all been through — Brexit, Covid, now the economic crisis. In an effort to move on and heal, I hope people are able to put their prejudices against race and wealth on hold and give Rishi a chance to show us what I hope he’s capable of. I’ll happily eat my words if he messes up as badly as his predecessors. Another thing Narcs refuse to do — accept when they are wrong!