Narcissistic Abuse Versus Clinically Diagnosed NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder)

I responded to an article today on the above subject whilst prepping for a video on this exact subject for my 3 day challenge — ‘Healing From Your Narcissistic Ex’ next week (you can contact me to join or get the recordings)…..

What IS this current obsession around Narcissists? It seems everyone’s a Narcissist now!

Why ARE we getting to het-up about labels and what we call them

Surely we should be focussing on the fundamental problem — that of the epidemic of abuse going on in society and in my little corner of the world, between couples separating, divorcing and even post divorce?

I think in many ways we (victims, the general public, therapists etc) are reclaiming the word Narcissist, without claiming everyone who we may call or label a narcissist would or should be clinically diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder/NPD.

Narcissists are masters at masking, so can easily fool. They’d also be very unlikely to admit to the traits in the DSM.

The DSM is the Diagnostic & Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, created by the American Psychiatric Association — so not a UNIVERSALLY accepted standard but one used for the benefit of ‘treatment’ which often involves a reliance on pharmaceuticals — just something to consider! Follow Dr Jessica Taylor for more information on this.

So I believe diagnosis is fundamentally flawed before it’s even begun. How many would even volunteer for diagnosis? Added to that, the whole history of the construction of the DSM, the way new disorders have and are being included, hiding behind the term ‘clinical,’ all of this is in my humble opinion, wrong.

Pathologising behaviour as a way to prescribe meds and ultimately make money is questionable at best. Please note I am by no means stating that meds don’t play a part in the process, I do not know enough and have not done enough research, bar my own and my clients’ often conflicting experiences to have formed a strong enough view on this to be able to sit one side of the fence or the other.

In my opinion, finding a term that explains someone’s behaviour so that the victim can make some kind of sense out of it is critical. On the flip side, excusing someone’s behaviour because of a label does not always help victims, it can almost excuse the perpetrators actions, despite abuse still being a choice for most people. This is another reason I will use the term Narcissist without being concerned with whether they are or would be clinically diagnosed or not.

More importantly, I think the whole obsession with Narcissism versus Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a bit of a side-tracking one, that dilutes the issues that need to be tackled — that of SOLVING and preventing the epidemic of abuse, often but not exclusively against women and helping victims to heal from it.

It’s why I like to help my clients come to terms with the fact they have been (or are) victims of ‘Narcissistic Abuse’, because it gives what they’ve been through an easily recognisable umbrella term to validate their experiences and feelings and to heal and recover from them, and to finally see that THEY were NOT the problem.

My qualifications? Some would say zero and call me a Narc myself (including my ex-husband)!

I should add that I am a 'qualified' coach (various accredited coach training qualifications), and a qualified level 3 EFT practitioner.

I have over a decade of experience of treating trauma, initially only by using EFT Tapping, latterly with many other tools and experience from hundreds of clients coming to me with these issues and as victims of narcissistic abuse, as well as my own divorce, specialising in helping my clients recover from abusive relationships and marriage, including post-separation abuse, especially financial abuse.

My personal experience spans three abusive relationships, one (which was physical) was definitely NOT with a Narcissist, ‘just’ a troubled soul who chose violence. The other two had definite narcissistic tendencies which resulted in neglect and abuse. One of them is actually MORE abusive since we broke up than when we were together, so it’s not a case of red or dark tinted specticles looking back at things that weren’t there.

Struggling with the issues raised here? Complete the 'Contact' form or email me liz@theeftcoach.com.